The Girls' Group

Does God know what He's doing? Sometimes I have really got to wonder... It's so hard these days to align my personal circumstances with what I know about God from Scripture... But let me tell you: He absolutely knew what He was doing when He brought my "girls' group" together!

My best friend and I were both in the same boat for different reasons: we were spiritually dry, wanting more of God, but lacking energy, time, and (for me at least) general motivation. So we decided to do a Bible study together. Instant accountability, structured time in the Word, and definitely enjoyment too- as it'd mean extra (and regular) time together! I was so excited! Well, we didn't even get to meeting together once, before "just us" turned into 3, then 4, then 5... The study started and we kept adding more girls too! God kept putting different girlfriends on my heart or hers, and it's been so wonderful to see who's been brought into the mix. At the height, we totalled 9 ladies, and are currently at 7. ALL of these gals are just gems. We've all been friends for anywhere from 5 to 9 years, at different levels of friendship interpersonally- some never met before.  We all agree though: this group feels like home.  I absolutely love my little group, and am so grateful for this gift- exactly what I needed, and God knew.

We chose the Beth Moore study "The Patriarchs: Encountering The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob".  Not really my choice, because of course I already knew all about those Patriarchs, and didn't really think there'd be too much Mrs. Moore could extract from those old familiar stories.  But... of course...  I was wrong. :)

Almost immediately, the subject matter proved to be hard for me to go through, as topics like marriage, covenant, abandonment, and especially reconciliation have all been touched on in one week or another.  I'll be honest...  the resulting effect is that I usually put off doing my study till Tuesday and Wednesday of the following week (we meet on Thursdays), rush through stuff, and don't take time to ponder, reflect, internalize, etc.  I really hate that divorce is the immediate filter that I see/hear everything through now.  Every personal question the book asks I relate back to the divorce.  But I guess you could say it's been very timely, since marriage, covenant, abandonment and especially reconciliation is all I can ever think of anyway.  The week that dug into that specific topic (in the context of reconciling Jacob and Esau), my Divorce Care group was going through the chapter on reconciliation as well, AND the Mars Hill sermon of that current week was "Jesus Reconciles Us".  I felt like I was getting beated up!  "You don't have to tell me!!", as I figuratively shook my fist in Heaven's direction.

This past week, the actual study was great- it covered Genesis 41-45, the story of Joseph in Egypt, one of my favorite stories in the Bible.  I just love how Beth frequently takes the familiar and makes it seem brand new...  And I do love how God knows what I need to hear.  The spiritual drought is still in full effect for me, but this week I felt a few droplets of rain.  And now I must share.

"We need to drop off our destructive, heavy baggage at the foot of the cross then tarry there for healing until God loads us with treasures to carry into our futures...  the very season that seems least likely to bear fruit may be the place of your Ephraim portion." (Ephraim means "God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction".)  "If we don't wise up to it and ask God to help us change, we can transfer an unhealthy pattern in one relationship to another."  (Been there, done that.)  "Only the most misshapen ego sees conflict resolution as straightening out only the other party.  One side may have more work to do, but rarely is the other completely blameless." (That one cuts deep because of how my personal story played out.)

Then there was the video...  I  find that I frequently have "taken offense" to different things Beth will say to us.  They just cut a little too close to the quick.  This week, she drew blood.  I mean, LOOK at all those notes I wrote in!!  She made me cry toward the end, so I went back and watched it on my own too.  Her topic was restoring relationships, and holding out for God's blessing in our very bleak circumstances.  Holy Jamoly...  Here is what I gleaned... (honestly not sure what's quoted and what's my notes, so I'm gonna put the whole thing in quotes.)

"When Satan asks God to mess with us, God will tell him NO unless there is a yes to a greater glory...  Our only hope of ever healing from a devastation is to believe in God's Sovereignty, to see God as still on His throne regardless of my circumstances... In God's process of restoring interpersonal relationships, don't expect to reach the same emotions at the same time.  'The resurfacing of dialogue between Joseph and his brothers spells out the end of alienation.' It doesn't mean nothing is happening...  Even if the other person takes a while, don't give up the ground God has given me.  Stay where your heart is healthy, you're able to express what's on your heart, you're able to confess the sovereignty of God over your situation, and you are thinking 'God thoughts' from scripture- being assured that all will be ok because God is in control...  God's way is to DEAL with stuff.  'Living' stuff that's buried will resurface."

God still on the throne, huh.  This one thing has been the most incredible struggle of my Christian life over the last 6 months.  If He is still on the throne, then why????  Because there might be a greater glory down the road???  I can only hope.  It's the ONLY reason I keep praying at all.  My only prayer is that God will redeem, restore, reconcile, renew, re-establish.

In the meantime, I have these awesome girls that I get to spend Thursday nights with.  They've been so encouraging, loving, graceful, wise...  And I am so grateful.

Holding out for that greater glory...

Psalm 27:14- "Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!" - ESV

* Quotes taken from "The Patriarchs: Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob", by Beth Moore.  Pages 197-217, and session 9 on the DVDs.  LifeWay Press, 2005.

Our Diplomatic Secretary of State.

You have got to be kidding me. THIS is who our President chooses to represent us in the world?! I can't even put into words my disgust over her response here. No diplomacy, no humility, no reasoning, just a whole lot of arrogance and entitlement. Thank you Hillary for doing your very best to represent America abroad.

Freedom and Bondage

Like a lot of girls, I have "one of THOSE ex's" hanging around in my skeleton closet. (No, I didn't kill him and stuff him in there... but that was by God's grace alone.) I met him, was instantly attracted, quickly grew an intense friendship, and before I could even discern the BEGINNING of it, was bonded, and I remained in such a state for 4 years.

It's been a little over 1.5 years since the end of that, and were you to ask my friends, they'd say I'm a different girl now- happier, free-er (sp?), more open/ transparent, etc. At least that's what they've told me at different times... And I DO feel that. I praise God daily for the distance He has allowed to grow between "then" and "now", the healing He has brought me, and the grace He has permitted to infiltrate. It has been nothing short of amazing to me, and there are no silly words that do justice for an explanation of the gratitude I feel in my heart- both to my God and to my friends who were so persistent and grace-filled and re-accepting. God has healed my heart in so many ways too- so that I could forgive, and not resent, etc. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable or avoidant if I saw him at church, or if he showed up at some mutual friends' party. He ended up marrying a girl who'd been a close friend of mine for years, and then it did get weird, and I felt like I had to avoid BOTH of them again, but maybe for a better reason? I don't know.

A friend happened to mention to me last night that this same ex is moving. I was totally not expecting that, and I could NOT have predicted my reaction. I almost started crying! I couldn't stop smiling and laughing- clearly I'd lost it. Again I find no words to express the RELIEF I felt in that moment. I had no idea one was still there, but I instantly felt like this huge weight had been removed. I will never go to another event and see him, I won't have to worry for a second about running into him somewhere. He will be GONE. Forever.

Talking to God while driving home after having learned this, I asked, "why couldn't this have happened YEARS ago?! There's so much that could have been avoided if only..." But the "why" isn't my responsibility.

I called a friend to share this crazy insane good news with someone, and in the process, asked her, "is it wrong for me to be this happy?" She said no- it wasn't like I was wishing him ill in any way, I was just happy for my own circumstances. But then she said, "It's ok for you to feel this way because clearly this person has a hold of you still for you to react so strongly..." And the freedom I felt transformed into the chains that returned.

The only thing that could come out was, "Really?? Do you really think so?" I would so love to think I'm way more "evolved" than all of this. That I've grown, changed, put aside, moved on, improved, etc. I talked to another friend who was closer to me and knew the situation better too. She assured me that she did see all of that, in spite of my current doubt, but kind of made provision for why it'd be hard for me still... I don't know if I wanted that. I really wanted the truth. And really- in the end, the truth will shine the brightest, even if it's the ugliest.

Negligence and the Island

I’ve been meaning to write more on here recently, but I always seem to find other things that take my time! A TON of ideas have passed thru my mind, and it’d have been good to take advantage of them when the opportunity arose. Oh well… Now you’re stuck reading the mediocre leftovers from my scattered mind.

LOST:
GETTING REALLY CONFUSING!!! I can’t even say I liked the last episode at all. I was watching with Annie and Brian, and at first we were all making the usual commentary during the show. But then I’m pretty sure the sight of Sawyer with Juliet made us all so sick, we were just quiet the rest of the time. The writers are rushing to finish the story in 1 ½ seasons, and there’s just too much to cover. We get these mega doses of story revelation, and my brain just can’t handle it.

Here are some of my questions:
• Ok, NOW we have Losties mixed in with Dharma people… Are they there when young Ben comes to the island?
• Who are the hostiles a.k.a. Ben’s people? And why is it ok for them to shoot innocent Dharmas, but the Dharmas can’t protect themselves??
• Who the HELL is Richard Alpert? Where did he come from? Is HE really the “man behind the curtain"? Why’s he forever young?
• Who’s the good guy- Ben or Widmore?
• Did Ben kill Penny, and that’s why he was all bloody?
• Did Kate really kill Aaron like I think she did? I REALLY don’t think it’s as simple as she gave him to Claire’s mom.
• Is Kate now pregnant with Jack’s baby- hence taking Claire’s place in the re-enactment of the original flight?
• What ever happened to the whole “everyone’s connected” thing? Is that just not important any more?
• Ok, so they’re now stranded on the island in the 70’s?? What about all the NEW Losties that survived??
• What about the OTHER Losties that got left behind??
• Was Sun with them all in the Dharma van at the end last week? I don’t remember…
• What ever happened to Claire?? She see’s good old dad, and just LEAVES Aaron??
• What about Christian?? We have NO IDEA how he REALLY fits into this whole mess. All we know is he did a John Locke (or is it John pulled a Christian?) by being dead on the plane, and returning to life when on the island. I am totally convinced that Christian is actually alive on the island.
• When are we gonna find out about the Black Rock?
• What the HELL is that crazy smoke monster thing??

I have about 2342 more questions, but I’ll stick with 15 for now… If you have any theories to answer my questions, leave a comment!!

Thoughts On Prosperity

I HATE IT. With everything inside of me. It makes me literally sick to my stomach. But I'd love your thoughts too!

Beyond This Point...

"...Lies The Rest Of The World". So reads this almost overlook-able landmark at Manhattan Beach in LA. It's fitting for today too. I have a lot of hope for this year. 2008 was the absolute worst year of my life, and I KNOW that 2009 is going to be so much better!

Already I’m ahead of where I was this time last year: I have a better job, getting paid more, my boss doesn’t hate me AND she’s a Christian, I am more at peace with pretty much everything right now- I don’t feel like I’m fighting God on anything (at the moment), I have some amazing friends (I did last year too, but I’m even more sure of our love for each other, and probably more grateful now too).

I feel like I’m on a good path right now, though the path itself is kind of hidden. But really, I am OK with not being fully sure of the next step.

The things that I am sure of at the moment: I love the Lord, I’ll be at my current job for a while, I won’t be going back to PNG soon (though I wish this were different), and I really want to listen and be obediant. God’s got me in an interesting place where I’m making some new friends, and coming upon different new opportunities almost weekly. I’m pretty content right now. This is great! May this contentment continue throughout the new year.

I Don't Ask For Crazy...

(disclaimer- there's good stuff in here, but you're gonna have to read down to find it...)

... It just has a way of finding me... Especially, for some reason, this year. 2008 has been INSANE!! So many bad things have happened... I remember commenting to one of my girlfriends about it after yet another thing pummeled me, "you know, I'm not asking for this. Am I doing something inadvertently to bring this stuff on?" She said it didn't seem like I was, because I didn't have control over what the things that were happening. I don't know... It's gotten really old though... I'm not going to be sad when 2008 is over.

So here's the latest crazy:
I went camping this weekend with Revolution, and had a blast! I gave this girl a ride up to the campsite, though, and after some stuff that I'm not going to put in here (to protect the innocent AND guilty), this is the PUBLIC WALL POSTING she put on my facebook page:

Hello. We need to talk. I don't appreciate your attitude towards me on Fri/Sat. You are very aggressive towards people and do not back down when you are being rude! It is not your place to tell people how to act (like you want them to), what to drink, and how to do things "your way". You need to have more compassion for people and treat people like YOU want to be treated. Live the bible not just read it.

Lovely.

Usually, I will blame myself for the shortcomings of others untill I'm 29 feet into a pit, and totally guilt-ridden. I have to fight NOT to come down on myself, and instead, tend to believe everyone else is perfect and I'm the only schmuck. I'm the bitch. I deserve whatever people dish me. For a long time, I have lived out these beliefs... And I'm stuggling with all my might NOW to do the opposite: let go when needed, unshoulder the burden of responsibility for other peoples' meanness, self-centered-ness, anger, misery, and come to grips with the fact that I really DON'T have to be everyone's friend. I don't HAVE TO be everything to everyone. It's very freeing...

Back to this wall post though... "Crazy wall post" was quickly followed by another post, from a friend who I love even more now:

Dear _____ (name deleted to protect the guilty)... I don't know you, but for some reason, I feel lead to respond to your post. You know that Emily's not checking her facebook for the weekend, so it seems to me that you took a cheap shot at her knowing it wouldn't be quickly deleted. I guess that's why I'd like to say something on her behalf. While there may be some truth in your message to Emily, you're approach to communicating with her could've been handled differently. Just a friendly reminder for the future, if you feel that you've been offended, God prefers that you go first to that person privately to discuss the matter. Publicly venting your feelings toward her on facebook is not God's preference! :) ... in your own words, "treat people like you want to be treated."

And another friend I just adore...

Emily...you are such an amazingly graceful person!! I would've told that girl that she was a hipocrite ass!!!! She's complaining that you tell people how to act when she's telling you how to act? If she even half knew you, she would know how awesome of a person and friend you are. Message to ___...Grow Up!! You don't deserve a friend like Emily!

And then my SISTER chimed in...

____, you may have felt that Emily was agressive etc to you, and that may or may not have been justified. However, through your post you have now shown the world (at least the FB world) what kind of a person YOU are. Next time someone bugs you, grow up and talk to that person privately about it.

You really just never know... You never know who will come to your aid- when you're guilty and when you're not.

I swear that I have the best friends in the world. I remember, several years back now, a time when I didn't have many friends at all. I had to go to the hospital after a car accident, and the person who brought me to the hospital said he didn't want to wait around, so I should find a ride home with one of my friends. I felt so alone in that moment, because I didn't feel like I had any real friends.

I can't truthfully say that's the case any more though. I fight loneliness a lot, but God really has blessed me with good friendships- that feed me spiritually and emotionally, and every once in a while, that come to my aid and reach down into the pit to pull me up.

Good Thing I'm Not God... (a.k.a. The Dilemma of "Prophet" vs. "Mercy")

...because the person sitting 3 seats down from me in church today- the one carrying on an adulterous relationship with someone who is MARRIED- would have been smoke. Who do they think they are?? And what ever happened to good old-fashioned church discipline, and holding people accountable for their actions?? We're all so busy being nice and inclusive, and all-consumed with mercy, that we forget that the Bible speaks clearly about continuous, unrepentant sin within the Body. If now's not the time, then WHEN???

Back in the day, when I was in my old church's singles ministry, I took this "Spiritual Gifts Assessment". I didn't know anything about spiritual gifting at the time, but I was about to get schooled! After we'd answered the questions, we were supposed to find the two spiritual gifts that best matched our answers. So we're going around, saying what our "gifts" were, and it's my turn, and I say, "mine are Prophecy and Mercy". The lady leading us was like, "that's impossible- they're opposite gifts. You're not supposed to be both, just one or the other." But there was my score- something like 46 for prophecy and 44 for mercy (with remaining points going to "helps" and "giving").

People who've met me will be quick to agree that I've got the Prophet thing down. My close friends know, though, that Mercy guides my heart, and over-rides the Prophet often. So in today's case, how in the world will Mercy decide to show up and save the world from the relentless Prophet?

She came alright. Like a flash flood, She decimated the tower of Self Righteousness I was building all through the sermon today with the whisper of a reminder that I'm guilty of adultery too, albeit in a slightly different way. And if Jesus' blood can cover my own sin, it can cover anything- even- especially- the sins I want to think are unforgivable.

Those verses in Matthew 18 that speak of Church discipline are quickly followed by verses telling us how to forgive... Coincidence? No way.

You Just Never Know...

There is no way of knowing who will play what role in your life.
Who will you meet?
Who will be your friend?
Who will you trust?
Who will trust you?
Who will you love?
Who will you be concerned about?
Who will be concerned for you?
Who will you be there for?
Who will be there for you?
Who will hurt you?
Who will stay?
Who will go?
Who will return?
This is just mind-blowing to me. 3 very recent examples, but just one for now:

A teacher I had for my first class in graduate school. Really non-important to me. I fell asleep in her class- I just wasn't quite ready to be a serious student. I ended up with a good grade, but because of the naps (and very bad memory) I ended up sitting in the class close to the end my grad school career, re-learning, and really LOVED it the second time! Still just a passing figure to me though.

Fast forward 6 years: my teacher is now my co-worker. What a blessing! I get to learn new things all the time at my job because of the strong and knowledgeable mentor/co-worker I gained. And if that wasn't enough, she was the one sitting right next to me when I got the call that my grandmother had died. So she was the one who held my hand while I cried, and hugged me, and comforted me. And that friends, is what first sparked this thought of "you really never know".

You really just have no way of knowing WHO is going to be important to you in the future. Who God's going to insert or re-insert into your story. Makes me want to treat the people I'm prone to think of as "unimportant" or just give passing glances to the best I can in the fleeting moments, 'cause who knows who they might become to me later.

To be continued...

Overflowing...

Yeah, that's what my thoughts have been doing... This year has been really tough. And I've decided to put pieces of it here. I'd love your comments whenever possible- but I don't really think many people read this... :) Guess I'll find out!

God has really led me through 2008. The only logical explanation I have for having made it through thus far is that He took me by the hand and dragged me through. Or, well, at least He held my hand and walked a step ahead, hacking through the bush as we went along... A lot of this year I felt like I was so alone and unprotected- dealing with one insane thing after another by myself, and practically failing at everything. I'm single as this is written, so humanly speaking, I wasalone. If I'd been truly alone though, I think I'd have ended things. So it must have been God.

I can't narrow down the lessons to one monumental one. But I do want to share some of them, and will do so here. So read on, Dear One.

Pastor Joel Hunter's Prayer, Democratic Convention '08

I really don't know what to think of this yet... I am ok with everything up until the invitation at the end for all faiths to be involved. What do y'all think? Leave comments! (but leave your name please- I'll change it to initials before I post it)

The Church of Oprah

Hello All!

Here is the lovely deception I promised in an email. If you send me any feedback, it'll be posted here. I pray that you'd share this with other Christians too. I've watched some other stuff about this same thing- this "class" she's offering with Eckhart Tolle, and even some scenes from past shows- and it's all just so sad...

We need to be able to answer. It's just imperative that we as Believers equip ourselves to answer in such a way that is soundly truthful, loving and unswerving.

Truth and Harry Potter...

This is my response to an email sent to me about Harry Potter...


Brothers,

3 ironies: first, that, in light of the email that preceded this one, I wasn't asked to be on this mailing list. But here I am, none the less, and therefore I thank you in advance for your time and patience as I offer a few words in this general direction... Second, I happen to have just taken a class at Northland with Omar as the teacher, and so I can say I know him now, and have seen first hand a little of his line of thought, general wisdom, and his love and knowledge of the Lord. And third, just today in Home Church, we briefly hit on what I want to say now concerning God's Truth. Interesting timing. :)

And here's the jewel! I totally agree with everything BOTH of you are saying. Wow. Is it possible??

Ok. I personally think that HP goes to a place no Christian should be ok with. All of the stuff in the email below- Come on, I am the Queen of quoting those verses! I'll add some references here though for you to visit on your own: Gal. 5: 16-26, Gal. 6:7-8, Eph. 4:17-32, and Eph. 5:3-14. I'll quote from this last reference: "Obscene stories, foolish talk and coarse jokes- these are not for you!... Don't be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the terrible anger of God comes upon all those who disobey Him... Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, rebuke and expose them..." I guess a good thing to remember though, is that we ALL disobey God every day. Who cares if we’re good about not letting some bad stuff in, there’ll be some other vice for each of us. We are all just totally in need of the Holy Spirit to guide and convict us daily.

Ok... All that said, I totally still see what Omar is trying to say, and don't want that to be lost on people either. I don't know if this totally follows his train of thought, but here's another 2 cents: Truth is truth, no matter where it's found. Truth IS absolute, not changeable. So if there is good to be found in something worldly, I don't think we should be afraid to acknowledge it! God is a God of complete truth, and He is the author of all truth. And we can embrace truth without embracing the world or the worldly thing it was wrapped up in. Make sense? Example: Mormons have really great family values. That's like something they're known for. Now their religion is totally nuts, and they think we're all going to have millions of alien babies when we go to Heaven. But GOD mandates care for our families- honoring father and mother, taking care of widows, orphans and our family members in need, etc. THAT is true. Muslims are very committed to modesty. Their religion is totally false, and they don't worship the One True God, but again- there is TRUTH present in that practice of theirs, and that is God's truth. I'm not at all saying accept the religion, I'm only saying it's OK to acknowledge the truth because ultimately it's all God's anyway! God's truth isn't hindered by the world, sin, our backs turned to Him, etc. God's truth is everywhere! So, if Harry Potter fights against evil, demonstrates sacrificial love and redemption, those are all true things. I'm not saying read the books AT ALL. I'm just saying "ok, it's nice to know about the truth that all the pagans reading them will find".

Now, swinging from the same vine, I do not believe truth should be wrapped in lies. To me, that drains the potency of the original truth to be found in the untrue source. (a childish example of this is "the boy who cried wolf", where he might have been telling the truth, but it was disguised in the lies he'd told so often before) Therefore, overall, I can't say I think it's good to read these books in question. Have I read the books? No, just part of the first one a really long time ago. Did I think it was horribly wicked? Hard to say. Bottom line: I don't think we, as Children of the Light, should take part in things that glorify real evil. So that includes fun little kid stories about witches and spells, etc. Will any future child of mine read stuff like this? Not a chance. Any "good message" or "great literature" that can be found in them is lost to me among the other stuff.

Thank you so much for your opinions! Have a wonderful week.

Emily Parbhoo
http://losttakenback.blogspot.com
"What can we bring the LORD? What kind of offering should we give Him?... O people, the LORD has told you what is good, and this is what He requires of you: do what is right, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." -- Micah 6:6-8

-----Original Message-----
From: Ralph

Omar,

I understand that you're trying to peacefully spread your opinions to
others, but you have no idea what you're opening up. I disagree with you.
Based on your logic, anything goes! I mean heck, if you can extract "good"
from any Hollywood movie, then they're all okay to see! Right? Wrong Omar.
Your message stated nothing about "fleeing from evil", "avoiding perverse
talk", "avoiding sorcery and mediums of witchcraft", standing against what
God calls an "abomination", and just general common sense. Not to mention
the Potter movies are packed full of languages and tongues that we know
nothing about! Did you bother studying what reference books the author uses
for all of those magic words and spells? I'm willing to bet you didn't.

This is how Satan works Omar, he mixes in lies with the truth. Harry Potter
tries to teach kids that there are other kinds of "good" apart from
Christ/God. Overall, the characters conquer evil through FICTIONAL practice.
Not truth. Not through Christ.

Omar, I'm not trying to slam you here, but before you send out messages, you
should consider studying up a little further and inviting the Spirit in more
in your so called "gray areas". Otherwise your messages are just haphazard.

In love and rebuke,
Ralph




-----Original Message-----
From: Omar Gonzalez
Sent: Sunday, October 28, 2007 1:22 PM
Subject: Re: Fwd: RE: "Bella" is opening in Theatres this weekend.

I likewise would encourage all to attend Bella, but
would remind you not to be so quick to dismiss Potter.
This certainly is a grey area where Christians have
room to disagree, and for those Potter fans who don't
feel the need to avoid the next series, don't feel
like you have to, you do not. There isn't any mandate
in scripture that would prohibit viewing. The series
borrows great literary and mythical elements from many
classics in western literature, including Greek and
Roman mythology. The message is ultimately positive
with even a redemptive message in the self-sacrifice
of Potter, the victory of love and good over evil, the
master of death. The series has many biblical
reference in it as well. These are the themes that
make for great literature, including the danger of
prejudice and intolerance towards those that are
differen than us (mug-bloods). Like Star Wars,
Indiana Jones series, and Matrix, Potter is
syncrenistic (mixes different ideology) but this
should not discourage viewing. It certainly doesn't
fall into the same category as a Narnia or Lord of the
Rings, but scripture doesn't prohibit the reading of
fantasy literature. Now, if anyone is seriously
thinking about joining a coven and becoming a Wiccan,
than we have to talk.

Keep the faith! and always remember to respectfully
disagree in love!

Omar

My Pastor Takes On Hillary Clinton

I love my pastor, and my church!

Why I Go...

I've been sick over the Christmas weekend... It stinks- flu-like stuff, mainly a headache. I drove back to Orlando from West Palm Beach tonight, and decided to just relax, watch the last half of "End Of The Spear" and lie down (I'd watched the first half last week). I got to the part where Dayumae comes back with some of the wives and children of the killed missionaries to the Waodani tribe, and this part always ALWAYS gets me... Here's the dialogue:

Dayumae: the wood bee family wanted to tell you "Waengongi" doesn't want anyone to kill. (Waengongi is the name for their revered figure)

Mincayani and other men: Waengongi!??

Her statement is met with great surprise, and suspicion.

Mincayani: How do they know what Waengongi says?

Dayumae: Waengongi marked his trail with carvings. They say we shouldn't kill.

(another man): Where are these carvings? Show them. (agreement rises from the other men)

(later)

Kimo: Why didn't the wood bee men shoot us?

Dayumae: They came to tell you Waengongi has a son. He was speared...But he didn't spear back. So the people spearing him would one day live well.

What is so stinking moving to me? Why to I get emotional every time I see this?

It's the use of culture and language. Those missionaries got it! They didn't just go to these people, who'd rarely ever even seen white men before, and say, "Jesus died for you. Believe in Him, and be saved." They didn't start with something totally foreign to those Waodani, and try to push it on them. Instead, they used things that were already familiar to them. They incorporated culture AND language, all the while building relationships with the people in that tribe and surrounding tribes. And the results were astonishing!

Do you support any type of mission work that spreads the Gospel among different language groups? I would encourage you to look in to those groups' practices. How do they go about things? Is their goal to quickly produce a new translation of the Bible? Or do they actually take the time needed to learn about a peoples' culture? Do they incorporate culture and heritage into the language translation? Or do they try to literally interpret the Bible? These are very legitimate and important questions.

So, the question: Why do I go?

I've asked that a lot recently, myself. This next trip... I've struggled with God's will versus my own concerning going back. I'll be totally honest: I'm running big time. So many heartaches in 2006- the last time I felt completely safe and at peace, I was on the Far Side Of The World. I've wanted to be back there since the day I returned to the States.

But then I see a movie that is all about tribal missions, and I am reminded of the real reason I am going: IT'S FOR THEM. Ultimately, it's not at all about me. It has nothing to do with running, or whether or not it was my will or God's. I am going for the sole purpose of serving, in whatever capacity I am needed, in order to help expedite the carrying of the Gospel to people who've never heard before in their own language, in a manner that is most understandable.

INTERFACE is a wonderful place, and an awesome experience that shares with the students a glimpse into the world of tribal missions. Many students from Interface go on to become tribal missionaries themselves- and that is the goal of having such a program.

And my goal in going is to assist the staff and students in whatever way possible- to help make it such a fantastic learning experience for the students, so that maybe even just one person who attends will return some day with the intention of doing their part to help expedite the Gospel to those who've never heard of our Great God before.

I welcome your questions or comments concerning this venture, New Tribes, or anything else that might come to mind.

Contemplating Baptism, Part 1.

(When being baptized)

Runaway,
Breathe this in-
The water's wait.
Wide awake,
Breathe this in
The water's wait.
Asking if you are...

Erased

Everything within you will feel
Erased now

(Before baptism)

Everyday,
Houses full of no escape.
Runaway,
It starts to pull
He's in this place,
To question who you are.

Who am I?
Who am I?
I will fade


I've been thinking a lot recently about my own baptism. January 11, 2004, in freezing cold water, at Southwind, at the first Revolution retreat...

I remember a moment... And a feeling... Right before going under, time stopped, and it was a feeling of panic, and of letting go. Something within me registered that things would be different now.

That feeling was of being erased. Everything within me felt erased. I wasn't the same. I realized there were some things in life I could not return to.

"Who am I?" I'm not the same now as I was before... Life has changed. And I am forever grateful to God for that. I hate that I lived away from God for so long... "Who am I?" I'm His. This is neither easy nor completely pleasant on any given day. But oh- the rest and peace...

Christian Friends: LIVE YOUR LIVES AS THOUGH YOU'VE BEEN ERASED!!

"You Are Holy" Revisited

Note: This was originally posted on "Roaming Angel", but it's still relevant to "Taken Back". So read it again!

(taken from a journal entry- Saturday, March 27, 2004)

"Praise Father God- Giver of life,
Power and might, goodness and light-
Ruler of all.
Praise to the Son- The Living Christ.
Body and Blood, Mercy and Love- sweet Sacrifice.
You are HOLY- HOLY.
Praise Holy Ghost- Voice in the dark,
Healer and Friend, Fire and Wind,
Lord of our hearts.
Praise Father God.
Praise to the Son.
Praise Holy Ghost-
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
You are HOLY- HOLY."

These are the words to my favorite praise song. I have decided that my favorite attribue of God is His Holiness. "Holy"... So much comes to mind in that simple word. In the phrase "You are Holy", I hear...

• You are Pure- free from sin.
• You are Truth- all Your words are true.
• You are sincere.
• You are sovereign.
• You are Ruler over everything and everyone, and every situation!
• You are powerful- You can do all things.
• You know all things.
• You are in control of all things.
• You hear all prayers.
• You direct all lives.
• You know all fears.
• You heal all hurts.
• You forgive all wrongs.
• You judge.
• You are JUST.
• You are mighty.
• You are reliant.
• You are Almighty!
• You can overcome anything!

And this is just the beginning!!

In "You are Holy", I see so much. I see me wanting things not in Your plan for me. I see You withholding my wants and desires from me because YOU know that there is something better for me. I see you saying "NO" to my requests. I see me crying and mourning for things I hold/held dear because they're being taken away. I see me begging for mudpies, when all You want to give me is a holiday on the shore...

I see me on my knees, saying and pleading, that God- Your will be done in my life, knowing that Yours and mine differ. I see me finally submitting to You, and feeling that unbelievable peace that You so often bless me with.

I love this song- and the phrase "You are Holy". Why is it that in spite of the fighting, begging and pleading, do I end up in the same place? It's a good place to end. My conclusion is always "You are Holy". You are in control of my life. You are in control of the difficult stuff, even if I can't make any sense of it. You know exactly why I'm going thru this. You know what the outcome will be- and why is that? Because You are Holy!

God, In "You are Holy", I see submission of myself to You, and of all humanity to You in the end! I love you Lord- because you are HOLY! Take control of my life, my thoughts, my actions, my heart...

To Be "Taken Back"

What does this mean...?

It is to be reclaimed. Rescued. Made whole again. To be called "Beloved" instead of "traitor".

The human words "You're mine"- so priceless, beyond imagination- in a moment when I never thought I'd hear such things again! Yet Human they remained, and thus fallible... retractable...

After all of the back-sliding, abandonment, grief, anxiety, anger, resentment- to hear the whispered words "You're Mine" is just more than I can comprehend.

"Comfort, Comfort! Speak softly and tenderly to her... Make it very clear that she has served her sentence, that her sin is taken care of—forgiven!She's been punished enough and more than enough, and now it's over and done with." -Isaiah 40:1-2 (The Message)

And just like that- it's gone! There is nothing more I could possibly do to earn forgiveness, or to somehow pay my debts. I can't take myself back. Nor can I look to another human to rescue me- make me whole. Only One can reclaim me. And it was done before the beginning of time. Amazing!

A Missionary's Cry

Your heart I seek to find-
With Your hands You fashioned mine.
Let me be used by you to carry out truth...
To the ends of the earth,
'Til everyone's heard-
My mended heart will share Your words.
I will tell the world that You are God!
Should all life cease to grow,
Should chaos take control...
The only hope we know is You will save us.
It's worth the cost to take up my cross
As You take back what's been lost.
Until all who doubt know You are God.
I'm not captive anymore-
I'm gonna soar to a new place,
Take on a new pace-
I know what my life is for.

I will run, I will fly-

I will live to be a sacrifice.

Through it all, I'll rise above-

Unafraid, I will face what comes.

I will run, I will fly-

And for my faith I'll live & die.

I'll be strong - I will press on-

For the sake of Your Beautiful Name.